on parenting

Over the past many years (my children are adults) I have often been struck by the myriad challenges of parenting-all the lessons you teach (and hope are learned), the letting go as they step into each successive age, the reminders that this is still the circle of life and that though it may appear different in the details, you are dealing with most of the same things your ancestors did. This morning I was reminded of one that I think is never outgrown-and that is having to watch your child, grown or not, suffer a hurt.

While reading the paper I came across an obituary for a young man (I say young because he was only 43, which depending on your perspective may seem "old"-but I suspect young for anyone reading that particular page of the paper. This man had employed my son for a time, and in that brief period demonstrated a joy for life and a caring for others that clearly extended well beyond his family. It is by far not the first time my son in his 30+ years has been touched by the death of those near him, which is a sad statement in itself but one that I realize is shared in a much larger way by many others. It is often a goal to protect our children from this reality-but sometimes life (or death) takes that option away from us, and that door, once opened, cannot be closed-at least for me.

As a parent raising children, I often felt that one of the hardest things was dealing with the hurts that couldn't be kissed away: the exclusion to the birthday party or outing, the loss for whatever reason of a good friend. I don't think that ever stops-no one wants to see a loved one hurting, whether it's a child or not. The challenge became to do what I could to help develop the skills that would work to deal with hurts-and here's the challenge-those skills are different for each person. My life philosophy, colored as it will be by my personal experiences, will put me on a unique path, as will anyone else's. I realized this morning (again) that the real challenge may be in trusting that as adults, my children have likely developed those skills-and once again I need to step back and trust. Trust that those skills will be there, and that if I truly believe that there is a good to be found in everything (not that I am always successful in finding it!), then the same is true for my children.

So I'm off on my run, to work on trust and faith!

RIP Sean, and peace to your family

Paris, encore

Bonjour!

(I started this three weeks ago...I'm giving up and finishing it tonight-no matter what!!)

To continue my wonderful winter of travel-to really warm and really cold places...Skip and I took advantage of a great offer and spent Valentine's weekend in Paris-yes, as in, three nights sleeping-in the Holiday Inn Montparnasse! Now, before anyone thinks I've really lost it-this was an offer from an educational tour company, and as they pointed out-there are rather limited options when you're trying to put up 45 people in the center of Paris! 

After our flight from Seattle via Chicago we arrived Friday morning to snow on the ground-again! Lucky for us, it didn't stick around, in fact, Saturday and Sunday were gorgeous days with blue sky, although with the wind I'm guessing it was below freezing. After checking in and a short rest, we explored the area around our hotel-and found (surprise, surprise) a creperie nearby, where we treated ourselves to an afternoon snack of sugar crepes...mmmmm yummy!

Saturday morning we had a bus tour of some Paris highlights, followed by a guided tour of the Opera Garnier-what a showplace! to stop and imagine all the drama that has taken place there-on and off-stage-was amazing. 

Afterwards Skip and I explored the "Passages"-small alleyways filled with intriguing shops and stalls-great fun, even in the cold. Followed it up with a warm onion soup lunch. We enjoyed seeing the Scottish fans there for the Six Nations Rugby games-and yes, even in the bitter cold they were wearing their kilts! The rest of the afternoon included wandering along the banks of the Seine and seeing the variety of boats, and finding the Musee d'Armee which Skip was interested in visiting-but too late for a Saturday visit. On the way back to our hotel we did stop in the garden of the Rodin museum-wow, is it something to actually stand and see a statue like "The Thinker" in person! The garden is filled with some of Rodin's works and was a delight, even in the cold. 

Our Valentine's dinner was at a creperie near our hotel-very cozy and very delicious-especially dessert!! mmm

Sunday found me at a meeting but Skip was able to visit the army museum and see the dioramas that he'd heard about-very enjoyable. After I finished my meeting and visited an outdoor market, we met up to explore the Canal St. Martin. 

The canal and locks date from Napoleonic times, and it is possible to take a boat from a few places in Paris and travel up the canals-unfortunately we missed the boat, as the saying goes. But the canal is lovely to walk along-we had lots of company since it was a sunny, albeit cold, Sunday. 

Sunday evening we were treated to dinner at Le Train Bleu, a very nice restaurant overlooking the Gare de Lyon. Wonderful food, wine-and fun watching the traffic in the station. 

We left Paris Monday morning for our return home, via Chicago. It was a great trip-and short enough that I didn't really feel any jet lag-yay!! A great introduction to Europe for Skip as well.

Noqhekwane village (Poenskop on maps)

This village is located near the Ubimvibu River, across it from Port St. Johns. A friend of my guide’s, who lives here, was our guide for the visit (this is how he earns his living). The village is situated in the hills (looking very much like the glens of Ireland!!) and has a population of about 4000-although you would never know that because they are spread out over such a large area-some homes are accessible only by foot.

 

Many homes here are the traditional rondavel style, made with dried-clay bricks and thatched roofs. The home where we parked the car was putting up a new rondavel, a woman was in the yard bundling grasses for the thatched roof. These are one-room homes, sometimes with dirt floors that are polished using cow dung, while others have cement floors. Sleeping might be on a bed, although more often a grass mat that is rolled up against a wall during the day. The “kitchen” would comprise some shelves-perhaps a paraffin stove, although cooking could also be done outside on an open fire.

 

While many homes have water tanks to catch rain water, going to the river to collect water if there is no communal tap is also common-indoor plumbing is NOT available here. Some farming is done both to raise food for eating as well as to sell. (The roadside stand selling steamed ears of corn is fairly common in the area). In villages like these, the simple jobs of providing water and food can take up the day’s work.

 

As we arrived, the primary school had let out-our first sign was the “taxi” full (and I mean crammed!) of children being taken home-this would be people who could find the money to pay for the service. We also encountered a group of children (likely ages 6-9) walking home-carrying their brightly colored plastic chairs, which they bring to and from school each day. The primary school is in the part of the village we visited-but because of the size and spread of the village, some children may need to walk as much as 1-2 hours each way to attend school-the state which provides the education only up to age 13 does not provide transportation. Parents are expected to purchase uniforms, books, and any other necessities for school.

 

While in the village we visited with an “Herbal Doctor”-a traditional healer who uses herbs to cure your ills. This is considered a calling-the women (or men) are called in their dreams, they will then attend a school for several months until they have learned and demonstrated their abilities. After explaining the process of being called and educated, she took us to the rondavel where she does her consultations and keeps her herbs and the gowns she wears when she is working. One consults the doctor, but does not present a list of symptoms-the doctor is expected to visit with you, make a diagnosis and treat you appropriately.

 

After walking through the village, we drove down to the nearby beach on the (Indian) ocean. As we left the car and walked down toward the beach we encountered a group of village boys heading for an afternoon at the beach with their “cars”-wheeled things on a stick. These cars ranged from the single rubber wheel to the most elaborate wire mesh jeep and trailer. I watched the boys running near the water’s edge with these, then later saw them swimming in a sheltered cove. The boys were probably about 10 years old and were definitely having a great time.

 

On our way back to the main road, we saw a group of older (probably high school age) students walking across the hills on their way home from school. They had would have walked a good two hours each way-and recall that they live in the hills! Fortunately there are groups and individuals who are working to set up bicycle projects and other initiatives to make it easier for the kids to get to and from school-thus encouraging them to stay and further their education. Unfortunately, for many the value of education is lost in the efforts to get there and lack of support at home. One can only hope that this will improve in the future. Tourism is the primary income generator in this area (most people work in one of the resorts or guesthouses that dot the area around Port St. John’s). There are volunteer projects working to support education, especially at the primary level-much like the Head Start initiatives here in the states.

 

It was a good visit-I felt privileged to have a peek into another way of life. 

Au Revoir, Paris

Tonight is my last night in Paris before leaving tomorrow am to fly home. Since I love crepes, and was not up to a full dinner, I decided I'd like to have crepes for dinner tonight-which you might think would be easy here but apparently not too easy where I'm staying (and not wanting to walk two miles again-in the dark). However...I did manage to stumble upon a creperie a few blocks away. My dinner was a marvelous "crepe des Vosges"-buckwheat crepe filled with goat cheese, drizzled with light pesto and a tomato coulis-mmm. Followed by dessert-beurre, sucre et l'orange. I am so in heaven-should tide me over for a few weeks. My very favorite thing about eating in France is that the portions are reasonable-no matter what I've had, I've never walked away feeling "stuffed". I'll get off my soapbox now...

Since my original plans to post or at least to write nightly sort of fell by the wayside-I'd like to blame not having internet, but I think it had more to do with being so busy working, or seeing new places and people-anyway, I have lots more I'd like to share so will probably continue writing about my trip, even though it will be from the comfort of home. So although I'll be home tomorrow night, stay tuned for further adventures-or at least reflections on same.

au revoir,

Ro

Cape Town

I arrived in East London Friday afternoon, after two and a half weeks of rural (extremely rural, in some cases) Africa. East London has a population of over a million people-the largest place I’d been, other than passing through the Johannesburg airport. And since I simply stayed at a guest house overnight, I can’t say that I experienced much of it. But it was still a reminder that I was leaving the slower-paced and somewhat older Africa that I had so enjoyed. It was with some mixed feelings that I boarded the plane Saturday morning for two nights in Cape Town. I did consider that it might be a good thing in terms of slowing reacquainting myself to modern living.

Cape Town was wonderful-I would love to return to spend more time. I didn’t make it to Robben Island, and there are several areas that would be fun to explore. Cape Town is one of the sites of the 2010 World Cup-there is a great deal of construction going on and I realize there could be some changes (hopefully positive) before my next visit.

As I was brought into Cape Town from the airport, we went past the townships and many many tin shacks. The townships started with actual houses-but as relatives arrive, shacks are built to house them-and unless one finds a spectacular job, the options of living elsewhere are very limited. Unemployment was estimated to be around 20% by my guide.

My guide was interesting as well-she is English, but married an Indian years ago-during apartheid. She has lived in a township (illegally, of course-no whites allowed, she could have been arrested and jailed simply for marrying her husband). She provided another perspective for me-I feel that I have been privileged to have seen Africa through the eyes of different people and it has enriched my experience immensely.

The guest house that I stayed in is in the Waterkant area-formerly the slave quarters for the Malay slaves. Nearby was the “Bo Kaap”, neighborhood of brightly painted homes.

Paris, part deux

I arrived at Paris airport about 5:40 this am, made it to my hotel about 7...to find that (big surprise) I couldn't check in until noon. But I was offered tea and croissants, turned down the croissant since Air France actually not only serves food but it's actually not bad. Afterwards I decided to go for a walk to reacquaint myself with the area-I had stayed near here five years ago. I ended up walking about 5 or 6 miles (yes, I did get a tad disoriented at one point, but survived-good homing skills and a poor tourist map). 

After getting checked in and a brief rest, I headed out for lunch-which turned out to be scallops at an Asian cafe, followed by the world's best sugar crepe at a street stand. Oh, I do love the food here! I wandered back toward the museums, ended up at Musee d'Orsay where one of the featured exhibits was on a series of paintings that Picasso did over about 20 years, all after Manet's "Le Dejeuner sur l'herbe". One of the more fascinating exhibits I'd seen, to see clearly how one artists is inspired and moves on from another. This, from someone who has not particularly been a fan of Picasso. However...the Picasso museum is relatively close to my hotel, and I had planned to visit today but they are closed on Tuesdays-so that was on tomorrow's agenda already. Now, however, I am even more interested to see what is there, since I did really like a couple of his works "after Manet". 

The weather here is rather cool (and breezy, which isn't helping), but no snow, and I think before the wind it is still slightly above freezing. The last time I was here it was April and warm-so it's interesting to see the contrast on this trip. 

Tomorrow is my one full day here, it's going to be rather casual since the point of this stopover was to break up the journey home-not kill myself in trying to be "super-tourist". 

I guess I must have blended in a touch, anyway-someone stopped me and asked (in French) if I knew where the Tuileries were-which unfortunately I didn't, but it was fun to be thought a native-or at least someone who looked like they knew something.

Leaving Africa

This will be brief, I'm waiting for my plane to board but finally figured out the cut and paste routine for the blog-so I've added some and will try to add more from Paris.

This has been the most incredible experience. I have met wonderful friendly people, I've experienced the rural Africa as well as the city (to a smaller degree). I would come back in a heartbeat-although if I did I would feel duty-bound to explore other parts of the country...

More later, I miss you all and look forward to being home Thursday.

love,

Ro